Lost Coast
~ on relational trauma bonds and abuse cycles
Swept up in the depths of you
twisting, turning,
caught in the undertow,
the more I grasp,
at which direction to swim,
The tighter my lungs become,
and fear freezing my limbs,
I hold my breath,
and let go of fighting the force,
accepting death,
or changing course,
~
just then,
my body breaks through,
the salty wet barrier,
blinded by golden rays,
wrapped in your warmth,
inhaling rapture,
floating in bliss,
before another wave,
tossed again,
in the washing machine,
back in the abyss.
forgetting what I’ve seen.
~
Your waves hypnotizing,
The trance pulling me in,
to the rhythms of your tension building,
the dream of surfing you the moment you release,
the desire to merge with you,
and at last find peace.
~
Caught in your cycles,
I struggle to swim past your wake,
to reach the stillness in you,
to dive deep down,
beyond the undertow,
to the ground,
~
As I dive, I find,
the darkness of your density,
my lungs collapsed,
presence of propensity,
I push to the surface,
swim to shore,
Perhaps, ending the cycle,
forever more,
~
Feet cut on sharp rocks,
running to the woods,
no longer facing you,
as you sneak up behind,
grabbing my ankles,
warping my mind,
in your magnitude,
I become prey,
pulled in by your riptide,
of killer waves,
sudden and rising high,
in dizzying disorientation,
broken and scathed.
~
Lingering on the Lost Coast,
wandering in wonder,
of my own entrapment,
perpetual and engrossed,
unpredictable thunder,
in a dreamlike daze,
maybe I too, was your riptide,
and we were always merged,
by our own killer waves.
-O
Wonderful Olivia!!